


Every step of the way

by Tchell1



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: 4.05 coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, isak's broken nose, lovely boys in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 14:42:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10923948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tchell1/pseuds/Tchell1
Summary: “I snapped.” Even started “That’s what happened at Bakka. I snapped and wrote all these parts of the Qur'an over the school walls.” He opened his eyes to meet Isak’s, almost daring him to stop the words. Isak would never not allow Even to speak, though “The words were full of hate. I splashed the wall with all the parts where it said being gay was a terrible sin and all homosexuals were going to hell.”





	Every step of the way

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a code for 4.05 and will not make much sense without seeing the episode first.  
> =)

Isak and Even had just arrived home, Even walking directly to the window, when Isak’s mobile pinged with a message from Sana.

 

_I’m so sorry for what happened today,_ It read.

 

Isak looked at the message and then at Even, who had been silent since they left the hospital, and then back at the message.

 

_It was not your fault,_ Isak wrote back.  

 

Even moved from the window to the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Isak sighed and moved after him.

 

_Still, I should have guessed,_ Sana wrote back.

 

Isak stopped. He remembered Even’s scared face at the karaoke and he remembered the terrible words that left the mouth of one of those boys, aiming to hit and hurt Even. He remembered Mikael and Even’s broken look, so full of longing and regret.

 

He also remembered Sana’s hands on his face, softly touching his nose and cheeks, eyes wide and in pain.

 

_No one could have guessed it, Sana._ Isak wrote finally. He thought for a few seconds and continued _Are you ok?_

 

Sana’s answer took some time as well. Isak knew Sana was thinking about what to answer. Her own brother was involved in a fight with him. _Mikael_ was involved.

 

_I should have told you I knew them when you asked._ Sana replied without answering Isak’s question.

 

Isak took one look at the closed door of their bedroom, thought _one battle at a time_ , and went to make some tea.

 

_You shouldn’t have done anything you didn’t want to. Nobody could have known this was going to happen._

 

Isak turned the kettle on and sat at the table waiting.

 

_Tell Even I’m sorry._ Sana continued, _He isn’t answering me._

 

Isak got the tea bags and two mugs. He took the kettle and filled the mugs with the hot water.

 

_I’ll let him know. He is not ok right now._

 

_Thank you._

 

Isak put the kettle away and, armed with two steaming mugs, went to the bedroom.

 

He opened the door and found Even curled under both their duvets. His face was turned to the wall and all Isak could see of him were tufts of hair. He put the mugs at the nightstand near Even and sat beside him. Very carefully, Isak pushed his hand through Even’s hair, petting the lovely bangs.

 

“Love, talk to me?”

 

Even’s eyes were opened and fixed at the wall, not acknowledging Isak at all. Isak sighed and kept his hand at Even’s hair for a few more minutes.

 

“I love you.” Isak whispered just to fill the silence and to let Even know nothing had changed.

 

Even stayed silent.

 

Isak got up and went to the other side of the bed. He took out his clothes and laid behind Even, wrapping his arms around Even’s waist.

 

“I’m here. I’m still here” Isak continued.

 

For half an hour, Isak kept whispering sweet nothings to Even’s ear, talking about his hair and his eyes and his lovely voice singing about a world at peace. He only stopped when he realized Even had fallen asleep, tea untouched by his side.

 

Isak closed his eyes as well, arms firmly around Even, nose throbbing and head full of questions. He tried to calm his heart by counting to ten, to twenty, to one hundred, until his head cleared and his nose stopped bothering him. Finally, he fell asleep.

 

___***___

 

Isak woke because Even moved out of his reach and Isak was used to have Even’s at arm’s reach every night. He opened his eyes and found Even seated at the window seat, eyes glassy and hopeless.

 

Isak got up and went to him, bringing Even’s head to Isak’s chest, Even’s arms went around his waist, locking him in place.

 

“Sana sent me a message.” Even whispered without looking at Isak “She says she is sorry”

 

Isak lowered his head and kissed Even’s hair.

 

“She sent one for me as well.”

 

Even shook his head, his face had the lost look he had when he and Isak were still trying to figure out where they stood with each other; on that terrible week Even told Isak it had been a mistake to tell Sonja about him. Isak knew by now that Even had been, most likely beating himself up for being bipolar and not perfect.

 

“I don’t know what to do.” Even said in a lost voice “I kept my distance and I tried to not cross anyone’s path. It happened anyway.” He blinked and Isak saw two tears fall down.

 

Isak closed his eyes, the hand that was on Even’s hair gripped his nape tight and reassuringly. He still did not know what the story was. Even never told him and everytime Mikael was brought up, Even would look away.

 

“Even-”

 

Even looked up and raised a hand to Isak’s nose.

 

“They hurt you.”

 

Isak rolled his eyes.

 

“Not the point.”

 

Even huffed wetly.

 

“I kept my distance, I avoided all of them, I don’t have any social media. _They still hurt you_.” Even sobbed.

 

Isak sat at Even’s side, dragging his head to his shoulders. Even wrapped his arms around him again as Isak knew he would. On times like these, Even always seemed afraid Isak would disappear. From what Isak was gathering, Even most likely had a reason to act so. He felt Even’s tears soaking through his shirt and his heart constricted in agony.

 

“Even, I’m fine. My nose is not even broken.”

 

“I tried so hard, love. So hard.” Even kept going, not even listening to Isak “I stayed away! It was so bad, I coundn’t go a day without crying. And now- now here we are.” There were more tears and even’s voice kept breaking “It was all for nothing, I hurt you anyway.”

 

Isak tightened his arms around Even.

 

“You did not hurt me. I was the one that went to them. You tried to stop me.”

 

Even shook his head again.

 

“I told you I was going to hurt you.” Even looked up, right into Isak’s eyes “You’ll end up hating me.”

 

Isak took Even’s face and kissed his lovely mouth, effectively stopping Even’s words and calming his beating heart.

 

“I love you. I’m not going to hate you.” Isak kissed him again, taking his time exploring Even’s mouth and licking his lips.

 

Even took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

 

“I snapped.” Even started “That’s what happened at Bakka. I snapped and wrote all these parts of the Qur'an over the school walls.” He opened his eyes to meet Isak’s, almost daring him to stop the words. Isak would never not allow Even to speak, though “The words were full of hate. I splashed the wall with all the parts where it said being gay was a terrible sin and all homosexuals were going to hell.”

 

Isak closed his eyes, unable to look at Even’s broken face, trying to picture Even, in the middle of a maniac episode, deliberately writing words of hate at his school filled with his muslin friends. Isak frowned. Something was not adding to the narrative.

 

“Do you hate me already?” Even asked, his voice small and hurting. “Because I did that. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to hurt you anymore, but nothing I do seems right, anyway.”

 

“What started it?” Isak asked suddenly.

 

Even blinked.

 

“What started what?”

 

Isak kissed his forehead because Even was just there and Isak never needed a reason to give Even love.

 

“What started the episode?” Isak asked again looking straight at Even.

 

Even opened and closed his mouth and the shook his head desolated, offering nothing to Isak. Isak was not convinced.

 

“Even there is no way you decided to do that of all things in the middle of a maniac episode. You paint and dance and scream and watch four movies at the same time and spend full nights counting all the stars in the sky, and it is horrible and heartbreaking to watch your brain keep you awake and restless, but you do not write hate words at walls.” Isak smiled “So, tell me, love, what started it?”

 

Even laughed brokenly, more tears falling down his face. He looked back at Isak and opened his mouth.

 

“I don’t remember exactly. I might have kissed Mikael or Mikael might have kissed me.” He let his head fall back on Isak’s shoulder “I do remember Mikael freaking out and shouting at me that the kiss was not allowed, that I was a sinner for wanting it. That I was going to hell.”

 

Isak fell his own tears falling from his eyes as well, imagining Even’s beautiful face contorted into shame and sadness for a kiss. Isak knew all too well what this kind of self-hate could do. Even had been hurting for so long. Isak took a deep breath and allowed his memory to go back to Sana and one of their conversations on Biology class. Just because, he gave Even’s hair another kiss.

 

“Sana once told me Islam’s view on homosexuality is the same as all its other views: that all people in this world are worth the same and that no human being should be spoken ill about, violated, judged or ridiculed.” He looked down at Even and raised his head to meet his eyes. When Even did so, Isak smiled softly to him “So if you hear anyone use religion to legitimize their hatred, don't listen to them, because hate doesn't come from religion, but from fear.”

 

Even blinked, allowing Sana’s words, through Isak’s mouth to wash over him.

 

After a while, Even said:

 

“Sana had a way with words.”

 

Isak laughed, relived.

 

“That she does.”

 

Even kissed Isak with more force that Isak had been using on his kisses, which meant they had actually avoided a bigger disaster.

 

“You are amazing as well” Even whispered into Isak’s mouth. “Thank you for being there for me.”

 

Isak kissed him one more time.

 

“Always, man of my life.”

 

Even reached out for his mobile on the nightstand behind Isak and unlocked it. Very carefully, he wrote a message back to Sana, no doubt thanking her for her support and friendship and dismissing any misplaced guilt Sana was feeling.


End file.
